So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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