This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
