i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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