I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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