According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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