if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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