he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
