I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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