just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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