Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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