From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
