Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
