ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
