Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dignity is for republicans.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
