im holly from the hills drunk
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
In other news, I just burned my penis
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
