I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
