Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
