i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
