no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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