I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There's always time for handjobs
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
