so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
