its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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