I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
