she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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