you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
