I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
