She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
