Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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