I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
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