I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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