You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
