Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
