Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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