You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
