I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
