Your dad touched me again.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
