why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
