He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
