I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
