The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
