My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
