So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
