She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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