All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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