The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
