Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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