My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
