Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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