broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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