she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Green mimosas i think yes
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
