you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
