The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
